currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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