yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
There's always time for handjobs
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
