Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
