but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
