Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
