How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
