In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
