How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
