I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
