discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
