I bet he comes in French.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
