im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
