So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
