So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
