Can Purell be used as lube?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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