i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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