I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
