I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
