Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
