White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
