I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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