I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You were trust falling into bushes
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
