dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
