so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
