i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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