you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
