Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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