pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
