I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize