i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
