I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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