I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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