Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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