you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Randomize
