How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
