Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
worst night to have a conscience
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
