Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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