remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
my being single is dangerous.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize