remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize