That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
