is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Text me some of your sweat
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