At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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