dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
