Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize