Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
