cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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