That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
