me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
