wat bout pragnant strippers??
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
