Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Green mimosas i think yes
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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