It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
