I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
