Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
