His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just want nice things and good sex
i need some magic done to my vagina
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
