I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
my being single is dangerous.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We need a shit load of segways right now
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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