I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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