Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I am available for nakedness
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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