Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
