Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
