; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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