saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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