I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
