Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
