I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
