its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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