her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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