seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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