i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Shame - the story of my life.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
