It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
