i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize