If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
