I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
