At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I think people are normalizing furries
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
