Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
