you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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