honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
