So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
