I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
