did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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